Tag Archives: FORTRAN

How to shoot yourself in the foot.

Gotta love this. Here are some of the better one’s:

C
You shoot yourself in the foot.

C++
You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical care is impossible since you can’t tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, “That’s me over there.”

FORTRAN
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception handling ability.

Cobol
USE HANDGUN.COLT(45), AIM AT LEG.FOOT, THEN WITH ARM.HAND.FINGER ON HANDGUN.COLT(TRIGGER) PERFORM.SQUEEZE RETURN HANDGUN.COLT(45) TO HIP.HOLSTER.

LISP
You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds…

Basic (interpreted)
You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol until your foot is waterlogged and rots off.

Basic (compiled)
You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher.

Pascal
The compiler won’t let you shoot yourself in the foot.

Apple
We’ll let you shoot yourself, but it’ll cost you a bundle.

IBM
You insert a clip into the gun, wait half an hour, and it goes off in random directions. If a bullet hits your foot, you’re lucky.

Microsoft
Object “Foot” will be included in the next release. You can upgrade for $500.

Cray
I knew you were going to shoot yourself in the foot.

Hewlett-Packard
You can use this machine-gun to shoot yourself in the foot, but the firing pin is broken.

NeXT
We don’t sell guns anymore, just ammunition.

Sun
Just as soon as Solaris gets here, you can shoot yourself anywhere you want.

Assembler
You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover you must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.

csh
After searching the manual until your foot falls asleep, you shoot the computer and switch to C.

HTML
<a target="http://body/lower-half/leg/foot.appendage">Shoot here</a>

Java
The gun fires just fine, but your foot can’t figure out what the bullets are and ignores them.

Perl
You shoot yourself in the foot, but can’t figure out how you did it so you find a dozen new ways to do it.

Python
You shoot yourself in the foot and everything goes so smoothly that you go ahead to to shoot yourself in the other foot then your legs, then your torso and then your head. Problem solved.

Occam
You shoot yourself in both feet at the same time with the same pull of the trigger. You have no idea how it happened, but it did.

ASP (addition by Rodney Benker)
You may load the gun and pull the trigger, but the bullet will only hit your foot if you use Internet Explorer.

How to shoot yourself in the foot (it’s a joke, lighten up!)

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